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Human beings have been communicating for thousands of years; so, why is miscommunication still one of the top five issues from couples to companies?

Think about it.

• How many relationships have failed because of communication or the lack thereof?
• How many mistakes have been made in the workplace because something was not communicated clearly?
• How many families have been split apart by fractured communication?

The good news is, there is a fix.

Communication is a learned skill. It may come more naturally for some than others, but anyone can learn to become a great communicator.

Four Communication Skills to Master

Speak and Listen

Recognize that communication has two parts – speaking, yes, but also listening.

This point, as simple as it seems, is missed by many; and an imbalance in either direction can be unhealthy for a relationship. Too much speaking, and the other person does not feel heard. Too much listening, and the other person senses indifference or disconnection.

Skills to Practice

If you catch yourself speaking over others or rushing to make your point without ever asking questions, you may need to practice active listening.

Conversely, if you are an introvert who is hesitant to speak up, it may be an indicator that it is exactly what you need to do. Your thoughts and ideas matter. Sharing them helps others and creates solid relationships.

Ask Questions

A big part of communication is coming to a consensus. And very often, that means asking questions that help each of you think through an issue from both perspectives. It also helps the other person come to a conclusion rather than simply accepting yours. Very often, you will reach the same conclusion, but asking questions helps the other person find their way. Where you disagree, you will at least understand their perspective.

Skills to Practice

If you are a coach, or a leader in any capacity, you should be asking questions much more often than you give advice. Your role is to listen and ask questions that help the other person weigh options and determine their next steps. Even if you can clearly see the best path for them, your goal is to help them see their best path. “What are your thoughts on the best way to do this?” is a great question to ask.

If you are one to “just do what you are told”, there is merit to respectfully asking questions that help you understand why you are doing it. This gives purpose to your actions and helps you understand the bigger picture. It makes the difference between an employee mindset and a leader mindset.

Be Kind

Brené Brown said it well, “Clear is kind.”

“You said…” and “That’s not what I meant!” statements are indicators of lack of clarity. Left unaddressed, they lead to relationship issues and even resentment.

Probably most parents have been guilty of telling a child to go clean their room. This is unkind if you have not also taken the time to clarify what “clean” is. The child simply does not know what you expect. Kindness is giving clear direction and walking through it with them until they understand what it means. Without this instruction, parents and children can spend years in frustration and resentment over something as simple as cleaning a room.

Skills to Practice

This one is simple: be as clear as possible in communicating your expectations. You cannot hold a spouse, child, or employee accountable if they are not clear on the expectations. Be clear in sharing what is important to you, and be clear in your understanding of what others expect of you. Not sure? Ask questions. It is choosing kindness over resentment.

Remember the “Why” as You Get to the “Why”

Far too many people see communication as a way to showcase their knowledge or prove they are right. It is how communication escalates to argument and ends with a stalemate.

This changes if you focus on the “why”.

Skills to Practice

Always remember your common goal is to attack the issue and not the person. Identify the surface issue(s) and apply the “Toyoda” model by asking “Why” until you get to the root problem(s). Once you do that, you can work together to resolve them.

But the first “why” to remember is that the purpose of communication is not just to make a point, but to establish and nourish a relationship.

Curious how your company measures up in this area, with real data you can take to the bank?  Connect with us or take the assessment here (https://www.orgiqsuite.com/). Get your Culture Scorecard today and get back on track to success.

Deb Ingino is a highly sought-after executive coach, mentor, consultant, and speaker worldwide. Deb is well versed in business operations and in the importance of asking key questions most business leaders won’t ask themselves. She brings deep experience in leadership development, strategy, high performance team building and effective communication. She has a passion for leading people to discover and maximize their strengths as well as those of fellow team members, while offering advanced strategies to achieve high performance. Deb is the perfect fit if you’re ready to take your leadership and impact to the next level!