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What is the basis of good communication?

Some would argue it is honing your speaking skills to a level of excellence.

Others would say it is important to develop strong listening skills.

Both are important, but communication that has impact hinges, first and foremost, on a factor that is seldom mentioned. This factor is the ability to know and understand the person with whom you are communicating.

Yes, you must have well-developed understanding skills.

Start with these.

Here’s why: If you know and understand the other person, you can speak in a way that resonates with them. And it will allow you to listen with a deeper understanding of not only what they are saying but why it is important to them. Understanding connects.

Consider the Parent

“I have told my child to clean his room, and he is just not doing it. It’s a disaster zone up there! I don’t know what else to do. He says he’d rather play than clean, which I can understand, but this is no excuse.”

What if, instead, the parent knew that the child was I-wired? The parent would know that being sent to his room, alone, to do something boring with no clear instruction was overwhelming to him.

In this scenario, a more impactful conversation could have gone like this:

“Johnny, let’s run upstairs and do a quick room rescue together. I bet we can set a record for the quickest one yet! Once that’s done, let’s invite your friends over to play that new game you got for your birthday.”

Using words that allude to speed, fun, companionship, newness, and reward take a dreaded task to the level of a desired outcome for both parent and child. This is a parent who understands their child and what is important to them in terms of motivation.

Consider the Teacher

“There are a couple of students in class who challenge everything I teach. They would rather be outside on the football field than inside learning. I’ve tried everything to get them to sit still and learn the curriculum being taught, and, frankly, I’m at my wit’s end!”

What if, instead, the teacher understood that these students were D-wired? By nature, they were competitive, loved being outdoors, in charge, and would rather be in motion than sit still.

In this scenario, the conversation would be something like this:

“We’re going to apply math to football today. Do any of you know about football?”

You can bet those two students would be the first to raise their hands.

“Great! We’re going to have a football math competition, and I’d like you to lead it.”

The teacher has just connected with those two students in a way that is engaging. It speaks to their desire to be up on their feet, competing, and leading. It ties their interest in sports to the lesson at hand.

Consider the Business Leader

“I have these two employees. One is very nice and capable. The other tends to be a perfectionist. These are good traits, but I’m just not seeing the productivity I’d like to see. I have emphasized to them the need to do more and faster, but it’s just not sinking in.”

What if the business leader realized these were S- and C-wired employees? As such, they bring things like attention to detail, systems, teamwork, and quality to the team. These are things that take time but also save time in the long run.

In this scenario, the conversation would be something like this:

“Andrea and Shawn, thank you for your attention to detail and for your contribution to the team in terms of stability and quality. These are so important to our core value of delivering consistent quality to our customers. I need your help and expertise to complete a project by June 1. Are you able to help us?”

The business leader has effectively recognized and honored their strengths instead of highlighting their potential weaknesses. With this recognition, encouragement, and a manageable timeline, he has set them up for success.

As you can see, great communication seeks first to understand. Speaking and listening come as secondary and supportive elements.

The next time you have a conversation, in whatever role you serve, ask yourself, “Am I seeking first to understand?”

For valuable resources on Leadership Strengths and Tools, click here.

Deb Ingino is a highly sought-after executive coach, mentor, consultant, and speaker worldwide. Deb is well versed in business operations and in the importance of asking key questions most business leaders won’t ask themselves. She brings deep experience in leadership development, strategy, high performance team building and effective communication. She has a passion for leading people to discover and maximize their strengths as well as those of fellow team members, while offering advanced strategies to achieve high performance. Deb is the perfect fit if you’re ready to take your leadership and impact to the next level!